final, final year of university. 🎓

Hello strangers, I've been abit of a ghost recently, but that's not due to me being lazy - but more because I'm actually trying to complete my fashion comm's degree, the second time around.

If you're a regular follower, you'll know that I actually dropped out of university last year, in my final year due to mental health and just not really 'gel-ing' with well, pretty much anything. The people, the coursework, I just wasn't in a right state of mind and it finally caught up with me. After a staff member asking me if I were 'delusional' I decided that I wasn't getting the support I needed and wanted to continue, so I left.

Read more: "Why I dropped out of my final year at university"

This year however, has been completely different, I'm so glad I decided to drop out and take a year out to reflect on what I needed to change in my life but also, in my mind.

I'm currently working on my final major project, which I swapped to communications, something I'm enjoying much more and my tutors are much nicer and more approachable. The people who study alongside me, are actually super lovely as well, I no longer hold this sort of grudge or fear that people won't or don't like me.. I think this is because it's fresh faces and I don't feel the pressure to form a friendship group, like I did the previous years. I dealt with the fact that it's okay not to have many friends at university.

This time, it's all about me and my project, which is just really nice and refreshing. I no longer feel anxious to go into uni, I just get on with it - putting my head down and just trying to get through the last little bit of the journey. I feel like I've grown up and just sort of take everything on the chin.

It's amazing how a change in lifestyle can help with anxiety and confidence.

But I have about a month left, which is actually insane, but also pretty gut-wrenching - what on earth am I going to do afterwards!?? (send help!)

One thing that is bugging me is not spending enough time on my blog or social channels because I'm either doing university work, working, or just trying to catch some down time. So I hate feeling guilty about not putting that effort in, plus all the stress of doing work and trying to actually be an adult.

However, what I learnt about myself was an experience I possibly needed. To admit that I made mistakes, I let myself get too wrapped in things that never really mattered, which has given me a new look on life. Stepping down from uni was was of the hardest things I ever did - feeling like a failure. But I'm excited for that piece of paper to say that I achieved it in the end.


I'm probably going to cry at graduation.. no lie. (haha)


Thanks for reading, as always.

I'm over on twitter & Instagram

- if you fancy a natter

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It's okay to not have any friends at university

I'm constantly my own worst enemy.

Recently I've been going back to university to finish my degree, it's my final year and after dropping out last year, all my friends and acquaintances I had made for the duration of the 2 and a bit years I was there, have all graduated and fleed the nest! This really leaves me in a strange position as I go into uni and literally know nobody. (apart from my tutors of course) But it's such a surreal feeling not having anybody to even say a little hello to in the corridor or a catch up in the canteen.

I used to struggle with social anxiety pretty bad. I hated going into university because I felt like an outsider on my course. It's amazing what anxiety can make you feel and think and I constantly thought I had no friends and nobody liked me, I knew I wasn't a bad person or mean or horrible - So why wouldn't I have friends right? And although I felt that way at the time, I did have friends. It was just my mind telling me I wasn't good enough to have them.

So this year is a huge strange leap for me, because I now know nobody. All that time my mind was telling me I had no-one but I had lots of people to talk to even if they were just people I knew.

I don't really know where this post was going or what I was trying to conclude from it, but I just know that having friends at university isn't the end of the world. At the end of the day we are all just there to study. I've sort of got a fresh head on my shoulders.. Of course it still bothers me that I have to sit alone at lunch sometimes but hey, I just whack out a book and read that.

I guess I'm feeling a lot more independent, I feel like I can finally function like an everyday person and not be too terrified of getting on a bus and being around people. I actually attend university now which is great and no longer do I eat my lunch in the toilet like a scene out of mean girls. I have crap days when I still can't say out loud what I think to the class or ask for help from my tutors, but at least I'm actually there and making progress.

This title was abit literal. Because I do have friends and they are amazing. But for now university is just an acquaintance in my life before I can finally hit the big wide world and it should be the same for everyone. Just be nice to people because you never really know what they're struggling with. Be kind. If you're at university and you're abit of an introvert like me, well it's okay to not live up to those party and popularity expectations that people have of university. It's unrealistic. By all means have a good time, and say yes to as many social things as you can, but it's okay to be abit of a loner too. work hard, and cut yourself some slack.

Why I dropped out of my final year at university

I was a little skeptical about writing this post and it's taken a while for me to really have the words to write down or sort of just admit to the world that my life needed to change. It's tough to admit when you need help, so I hope my story inspires you or just gives you an insight into my experience at university. This was a tough one to write and share.

Back in January I made the strange and hard decision to actually drop out of my university course.
So I was in 3rd year.. the final year (the one with the light at the end of the tunnel, aka a shiny hat and a lovely photo) but I was at some strange dark place in my life that had continued since I first started university. Uni is supposed to be a fun, spontaneous experience but for me (although amazingly fun) was also hugely eye opening in terms of mental health and life skills. I realised that I had no social skills whatsoever, I hated my course, I felt so lonely and sad my work on my course suffered, I no longer went into any of my lessons, I struggled with the workload, had no skills because I had missed so many lessons and in turn I was faced with a serious decision.

To drop out of my final year.

At first I was adamant that I would stay, I don't know how I planned to do that, but I didn't want to start again or feel as though I failed, I also didn't want to let my parents or family down. My tutors were telling me their advice was to leave and start over, and I just felt that all the odds were just against me. I was so worried, mainly because all my friends, would be graduating without me and I wanted to finish my course and just get it over with. But after much consideration and decision making (with my dad) we came to the conclusion that I would drop out.
After making this decision it just was a huge relief, so much weight off my shoulders and no longer did I have to panic and worry about the work I had missed and I could start a-fresh in the new term.

Great, awesome. But then came the huge blow that was my job. I was doing my dream job in marketing, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind and my work suffered and I took it really personally. I was on a support plan and after a few weeks, their advice to me was to hand in my notice. I felt like a failure, I failed at university, I failed at my job.  I didn't want to fight my corner when I was so socially and emotionally fragile. I felt as though I couldn't do anything and I had to hand in my notice. Which was probably tougher than the university decision I made.

So for about a month or so, I was unemployed, no longer a student and mentally ill. I was bored, I was trying to apply for jobs to have some income, to stop myself from going stir-crazy at home and then I just went back to bar work. I applied for a full-time bar job on the seafront and it was the best thing I ever did. I made friends my own age, I was thrown into social situations that I had to grow up and deal with. Within a month of being at my job, I was told I would have to pick up the pace and to cut things short, I got a kick up the backside. Which again really hit a nerve with me because of my last job but this time I refused to let someone else think that I was shit at my job. I refused to let someone let me feel as though I couldn't do something. so I did it.
I picked my shit up and I worked hard, I changed my state of mind and it really made me look at the world a lot more differently and now I feel like a valued member of the team with a lovely family of friends.

So I'm actually really excited to go back to university this September. I'm excited to push myself and do something I didn't do the previous years and actually work hard, turn up, be there and prove myself wrong. I don't need to have friends on my course, I'm there to work. That dropping out didn't make me a failure, that handing in my notice didn't make me a failure. I know I can achieve it and I know I will.

Although it all sucked at the time, it was just meant to happen.. because of those experiences now I have a goal to work towards, and for that I am so thankful.

I would love to hear your experience or stories, or if you fancy a chat, feel free to make a comment or send me an email :)

Preparing for University - Mental Health

It's no secret as I've spoken many times about the difficulties I have faced whilst being at university regarding mental health. For all those lovely freshers out there, you have no idea what is ahead! It is extremely common for students to struggle with mental health issues and I am not surprised! Moving away from home, combined with all the added stress of studying + trying to make friends is extremely overwhelming! Noticing the signs that you have a problem before it escalates is something to really look out for. I will be going into my third and final year this year and honestly, I didn't really have my shit together till the end of last year. I felt so much more confident once I had set a routine and I want to carry that on to the most important year of all. So here are some of my tips I've found to work if I get into a rut.

University - A reflection on second year

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So it's been a whole 2 years already and I can't actually believe how quick university has flown by. It only seemed like yesterday that my Dad was cramming his Volvo full to the brim of all my random crap to move into a 6 bed student house in Bournemouth. Next year will be the hardest and most important year of all and quite frankly I'm stressing the hell out!

There's alot of talk of 'you need to find your specialism' and all this marlarky, but I don't really understand where this is all headed.. still. I have a vague idea and we will see how it goes, but I'm going to reflect on my experiences this year before everything starts all over again in September! I'm going to do as much research as I can to be so much better this year, but its also okay for me not to know (really) what I want to do for the REST OF MY LIFE (EEK)

My New University Bedroom

So if you can tell by my Instagram, I moved into my new flat a few months ago and I've just been putting this post off to be honest, although I will eventually do a flat tour, once all the stuff is actually put away (whoops been too busy) but my room is so much nicer than my last student place.. it will be my third year in September and I was tired of the mould and all the crap that comes with being a student. So me and my matey decided to get a little 2 bed flat!

I have white walls at last! Which makes all my colourful things stick out hooray!

The Desk

So my desk has pretty much stayed the same, except for my super cool shelves, which I am hoping to fill with books. I've been trying to read alot more recently, and the shelves are the perfect size!(I think they're from Homebase) The super cool arrow light is from Primark, how cool is it! I've been after one for ages and it was only 10 Pounds *woohoo*

Everything else its pretty much from ikea, including the desk & my makeup drawers are from muji, who do the best makeup storage..

Bed & Chill Zone

Welcome to my bed & chill zone.. So I went a little Thor crazy at the start of moving in and I bought the canvas from the Range. Which fits perfectly above my bed! My curtains are the same, good ol' argos, although I'm contemplating changing them as I'm trying to eliminate most of the pink. My bed is missing my throw, because its summer and its warm! I actually have a decent bed this time around which I am so thankful for, so fed up of crappy student beds (boo) and my view from my window of the gardens is aaaamazing. 

So that's my new room, sorry its not major exciting stuff but I'm still in the process of organising, especially with my craft materials. We moved in pretty quickly so things are dotted around everywhere. My bed cushions, duvet etc are from Primark - I'm loving their new home items, all the colours are super cute. I'm hoping to show more of my work and craft stuff this year which will be awesome *queue planning for that*

Hope you enjoyed this post! :)


Emily.

University: My Experience // First year.

Hi! So after my long blogging leave, I'm back with a post I'm been meaning to write for quite some time. After ending my first year and being at home all summer I've had chance to reflect on the last year at university and memories I enjoyed and some I didn't so much. Maybe it will help some of you lovely freshers going off to university this year, what to prepare yourself for!

So firstly my university didn't have traditional halls last year, so as first years we had to go into a house straight away, which was extremely unnerving, and well super scary to think about. Unfortunately I didn't get my first choice at uni and so it was my second choice, although now I'm quite thankful as it isn't so far away from home, which I will write about later.

So meeting my housemates on Facebook, we got together and decided we should live together! (weird right..) So we all drove down and met up for the first time ever and went house hunting.. The only houses left, were well.. Pretty disgusting and gross. The house we ended up in, wasn't great. But it wasn't horrendous.. as far as student housing goes. But it was still pretty grim once you live in a house of 6 teenagers who have just left home.

My room was quite nice, it had big windows and it spacious enough to relax and chill. I spent most of my time... in my room. Which quite frankly I wish I hadn't. So anyway Fresher's started and we were out every night.. for 2 weeks. We did all the fancy events... All the clubs which brag about the great fresher crap they had going on and they were pants! One regret I did have was not looking out for all the special student union events they had on.. but for a small uni they obviously didn't have many.

House parties were a-plenty. We trashed our house most of the time, which isn't always the best thing to do when you have neighbors. But socially it's a good thing to get into.. being in clubs doesn't always give you the opportunity for conversation and I wish I spent more time doing that than being in the clubs for freshers. Not being in hall's didn't have its benefits.

I did become quite recluse after abit. I missed home more than I thought I would've. Which is why I was thankful for only being 2 hours away. I spent alot of time in my room, watching netflix and just generally being a slob. I wasn't enjoying my course, I wasn't really spending time with any of the people on my course and I became quite down and depressed.. and well, down in the dumps. I've learnt family are my rock and have really helped me through these times in particular.

This led me to become quite anxious about leaving the house, about meeting new people and creating opportunities, I stayed in bed and I was miserable all the time. It wasn't until I had to redo a failed unit plus all my new coursework that I stepped up my game and thought 'lets just get it over with'

At my lowest point I really considered leaving university, maybe it's not for me.. maybe I just can't get used to this whole new experience. Because it's not just leaving to study. It's a huge life change, you're plunged in with a bunch of people you don't know, so social skills play a huge part in student life. Using those nearly everyday, whilst trying to learn about living on your own and all these random new things that keep appearing, you're constantly learning. Although sometimes stressful, I believe that the whole experience of university is a huge life skill. Not just academically or slobbing around but, learning to live with new people, money management, time management. It's a huge step in growing up.

I think I've done quite a fair bit of growing up this last year, and although I'm nervous about returning back to my course and my new shiny house and friends, I'm really pumped to make the most of the 2 years I have left. I'm sure there will be ups and downs, but I'm looking forward to pushing myself.

Tour | My University Bedroom

So I finally got around to taking photos of my room for this exciting post on my uni room! ;)

This is how I decided to decorate my room seeing as I will be living here for the next year, I've just recently put my deposit down on my next house which I'm really excited about! My room is an attic room so it will be all den like, going to go pinterest crazy for that one.

Anyway to my current room, when I moved in, it was quite big and needed to be filled up with furniture, so my parents helped me buy some things. Excuse the lighting, I did try!

I will try and remember where everything is from and link where possible! :)

Desk, Ikea

- This was a table top and I chose the legs for it, I can't remember the price, think it was around £90.. I really love the clean white look though on this desk, its great for taking pictures on and it always has a crisp look about it.

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Chair, Ikea 

- The chair was also from ikea, Its got quite a modern look about it and it compliments my desk so perfectly, considering its just wood its actually really comfortable :)

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Candles (right), Asda

- These candles were from asda, I bought them in store on sale for a £1 each. Previously I had ikea ones which I loved, but they burnt out. 

Candles (left) -  Gift

- These were given to me as a gift before I left home, they smell amazing, I'm not sure where they are from though.

Lamp, Ikea

- it literally took me forever to decide on a lamp for uni, I wanted it to fit in with my desk theme yada yada, but we came across this one and I'm so glad I bought it, its easy to adjust, great lighting for when you're doing work and it just looks really futuristic with the chrome and it fits in well with my quite minimalistic look on my desk.

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Egyptian stone cat, Egypt

- I bought this from my travels, when I went to holiday in egypt, I thought this was beautiful, I can't remember the stone its carved out of, but it was done by hand. It glistens in the light too.

I'm not sure if you could get a dupe on eBay etc, but this one is the real thing and is rather special.

Orchids, Various

- I bought my orchids from various places, one was from sainsburys and the other my boyfriend bought me as a gift at home. I just brought these with me when I moved to Bournemouth.

Air freshener, asda

-My mom bought me this when I moved in, you know what mom's are like! she thought it smelt so she bought me this. We just got it in store, they're pretty easy to find.

Mirrored Compartment? - Gift

- I recieved this as a gift for my 18th birthday, I'm pretty sure it's from sainsburys, but obviously I can't confirm that. I think it's super cute and I've been using it more to store odd items e.g jewellery or makeup that wont fit anywhere else.

Acrylic Drawers - Ebay

These are such a godsend, I was sick of rummaging through nasty makeup bags to apply my makeup in the morning, but now I know where everything is and I can see it clearly through the clear plastic. I bought this one from ebay, I don't actually have the link anymore but if you search it, it should come up.

Acrylic Drawers - Ebay

- I found that when I bought the last acrylic drawers, it wasn't enough to fit in all my stuff, so I bought another. This was from Japan, so it was cheaper, but it does take longer to get to you due to the shipping. I really love this one because it has little handles, but also for the lipstick holder on the top. Keeps everything organised and I can always find the shade of lipstick I'm looking for!

Excuse the mess sign, Debanhams?

- This was given to me as a leaving gift, it fits so cutely above my desk. I am pretty sure that it was from Debenhams Home section, it's worth having a search, or look at my previous post on cute house deco.

This is just a cute shelf by my bed, which is where I keep the majority of my things :)

I still like it to be quite minimal as my room gets messy quite quickly. At the bottom shelf is where I keep my uni work, folders and notes, things I need for uni.

Sewing machine, Singer

I really love having my sewing machine a feature on the shelves, it gives a vintage kind of feel, but also because it's so heavy I don't have to lug it around everywhere if I ever want to use it! This was given to me by my aunt and I love it so much.

Magazines, drawing materials, Things for uni.

This shelf is where I keep all my utensils, pens etc! I also have my fashion magazines here.

Big Jar, Ikea,

This I use to store all my pencils etc that doesn't fit into my pencil case. I bought this jar from ikea, for just £2, it's so cheap in there. I think it makes a nice piece out of something that could look quite busy.

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Pencil Case, Paperchase

This I bought, obviously to hold all my pencils, etc, stuff I will actually need at uni.

(link)

USB, Jar

I'm not entirely sure where these jars came from, I think they had sweets or something in them, so I always keep my usb stick in one, just so I never lose it! Because the jar is so small as well, it fits in my bag for uni, and I can always find it, instead of rummaging around in my bag.

Bedsheets - Primark

I bought these bedsheets from primark they really fit in with my whole colour scheme and give a girly vibe. They are also silky, so it makes getting into bed a little bit more luxurious.

Fluffy Pink Pillow, Ikea

I couldn't actually find the link to post, as I couldn't find it online but I bought the big pink fluffy cushion cover from ikea, the pillow is separate. So it's abit more pricey but totally worth it!

Home sweet home cushion, Gift

The home sweet home cushion was actually given to me before I left. I love this cushion the patchwork is so cute and it really does make everything that much cosier and homely.

Mirror - Argos

Cheap and cute, I really love this mirror, it really fits in with my whole theme, its white, its girly, I just love it.

It makes it easier having a full length mirror, I'd be lost without one.

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Drawers, Ikea

These are so simple and they come in a few various different colours, you can also buy dividers that go inside them, to keep them all organised! Again I chose white to fit my pink & white theme, but also if I decided to change the pink, it would still go with everything.

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Curtains, Argos

These were cheap curtains from argos, they do the job, but they also brighten the room up and just make everything seem mine and more at home. 

(link)

I hope you enjoyed this post, I know it was quite long! if there's anything you see that I've missed out or want help in finding just leave a comment below!

Thanks for reading!

CHECK OUT MY NEW UNI ROOM HERE