It's okay to not have any friends at university

I'm constantly my own worst enemy.

Recently I've been going back to university to finish my degree, it's my final year and after dropping out last year, all my friends and acquaintances I had made for the duration of the 2 and a bit years I was there, have all graduated and fleed the nest! This really leaves me in a strange position as I go into uni and literally know nobody. (apart from my tutors of course) But it's such a surreal feeling not having anybody to even say a little hello to in the corridor or a catch up in the canteen.

I used to struggle with social anxiety pretty bad. I hated going into university because I felt like an outsider on my course. It's amazing what anxiety can make you feel and think and I constantly thought I had no friends and nobody liked me, I knew I wasn't a bad person or mean or horrible - So why wouldn't I have friends right? And although I felt that way at the time, I did have friends. It was just my mind telling me I wasn't good enough to have them.

So this year is a huge strange leap for me, because I now know nobody. All that time my mind was telling me I had no-one but I had lots of people to talk to even if they were just people I knew.

I don't really know where this post was going or what I was trying to conclude from it, but I just know that having friends at university isn't the end of the world. At the end of the day we are all just there to study. I've sort of got a fresh head on my shoulders.. Of course it still bothers me that I have to sit alone at lunch sometimes but hey, I just whack out a book and read that.

I guess I'm feeling a lot more independent, I feel like I can finally function like an everyday person and not be too terrified of getting on a bus and being around people. I actually attend university now which is great and no longer do I eat my lunch in the toilet like a scene out of mean girls. I have crap days when I still can't say out loud what I think to the class or ask for help from my tutors, but at least I'm actually there and making progress.

This title was abit literal. Because I do have friends and they are amazing. But for now university is just an acquaintance in my life before I can finally hit the big wide world and it should be the same for everyone. Just be nice to people because you never really know what they're struggling with. Be kind. If you're at university and you're abit of an introvert like me, well it's okay to not live up to those party and popularity expectations that people have of university. It's unrealistic. By all means have a good time, and say yes to as many social things as you can, but it's okay to be abit of a loner too. work hard, and cut yourself some slack.