So it's been a whole 2 years already and I can't actually believe how quick university has flown by. It only seemed like yesterday that my Dad was cramming his Volvo full to the brim of all my random crap to move into a 6 bed student house in Bournemouth. Next year will be the hardest and most important year of all and quite frankly I'm stressing the hell out!
There's alot of talk of 'you need to find your specialism' and all this marlarky, but I don't really understand where this is all headed.. still. I have a vague idea and we will see how it goes, but I'm going to reflect on my experiences this year before everything starts all over again in September! I'm going to do as much research as I can to be so much better this year, but its also okay for me not to know (really) what I want to do for the REST OF MY LIFE (EEK)
The struggle was real..
This year I really struggled dealing with the stress of being at uni but also being around other people and not feeling like I deserved or belonged to be there. As you can tell by some of my previous posts, after my weird 'dark' place where I really wanted to drop out, I decided that I was done being afraid and I was done with being unproductive and unable to communicate anything to anyone. That was a great positive direction for me.
I also loved having a network of supportive housemates around me, which I think is the MOST important thing, is to have people who can relate but also keep your spirits up!
University can be quite a lonely time, but with the right mindset and goals it really is (and was) possible for me! I think anyone who is dealing with crap at uni, needs to find themselves a network of people and surround themselves with positivism!
What to expect (when you don't know what to expect)
Second year started rather crap for me, not just because of all the stuff I just wrote about, but workload and grading. This also plummeted my mood and made me feel shit about anything I created or made and it honestly popped my creative bubble. I compared myself to everyone else which is BAD when you take it personally.
One thing that I would honestly say about a creative based course, is that it's all relevant to what your tutor thinks, you love something+your tutor hates it= big fat red fail. I would 100% take the listen to your tutor route, sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong, but hey. Whose grading you?
I would say that's the worst part of doing a creative course.
Next year I am sticking to whatever my tutor thinks will be best for me to pursue and see what happens.
Be creative & take risks while you can! One thing I did this past year, was turn my essay into a leaflet, my tutor loved it! I was abit nervous about taking the risk, but I'm so glad I did because she gave me a first for my project, when I thought I was going to be slapped with a fish.
Battling Nerves & Anxiety
I also learnt this year, that nobody cares.
That literally became my own personal philiosophy. I was terrified of people judging me or being embarrassed of the littlest things so much I was so afraid to even attend my classes.
In the end, once I started thinking positively and wanted to change, is that NOBODY CARES. Nobody cares if you mess up and have to ask the tutor for help, nobody cares if you need to borrow some scissors or ask a question. What I realised is that everybody is in the same boat, everyone is just there to learn, to get what they're paying and who cares if you have no friends on your course!
Stick to your guns.
What I will take away from this years experiences is that I can do something if I believe enough that I can. I stuck it out, I battled through every lesson and studio time and I actually felt more at ease because I had consistently attended. People started recognizing my face and talking to me in the studios which was great! My work grades started going up because my tutor actually knew who I was! Getting feedback was great and things really started looking up for me. I had so much fun the last half of the year, because I wanted too. I wanted to change and I wanted to have fun and make friends, and I did.
Next year..
Next year I plan to continue pushing myself, making sure I fit into better marking criteria and I just want to smash this. Being positive changes everything and if I ever feel like crap again I am 100% seeking help.
Things don't always work out how you think they will, but that doesn't mean it won't turn out great.
Things don't always work out how you think they will, but that doesn't mean it won't turn out great.
If you're starting university in September, don't think about it too much, enjoy your first year and do well, because second year it's only going to get harder.
Stay positive and be you.
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