Living with Anxiety

It's difficult sometimes when you don't want to leave the house for fear of being in the real world, it's safe inside your home or maybe your room and you just don't want to deal with the over stimulation of leaving your bubble. Sometimes its really frustrating when someone will ask you to go somewhere or simply do something and the last thing you want to do is leave your safe place, it sucks and often its really hard to just get out of that pattern.

Maybe I'm just an introvert by nature but I always feel overstimulated by the world around me and sometimes I just don't really feel apart of it, like I stand out like a sore thumb especially when I'm alone.

Explaining these feelings to people can often be really hard, usually they don't really understand and think you're lazy or silly for not leaving home but it's just my brain that's telling me not to. Almost like a non-conscious protection mechanism and it's always fascinated me what the trigger or reason behind this weird behaviour is.

Sadly I rely quite a lot on people to influence my mood, just to pick me up or sometimes just pull me out of my introvert shell and when you're alone a lot of the time, this isn't really that possible. So at the moment I'm trying to get some sort of routine and schedule going so that my brain doesn't have the time to even consider any of these thoughts and I hopefully can just automatically just do them.

This morning I was really tired for some reason, yesterday was a tough day, I was trying to get some uni work done and I just couldn't focus properly or even get in the right state of mind to begin doing just about anything. I showered and dressed which is great but I just wasn't all mentally there.

Blogging sort of lets me control it all a little bit.. today I literally want to stay in bed all day and sleep the day away, but I won't because I'm writing this which is getting me a little more pumped for the work I have to do today but its still a little shadow over my head. Im thinking about what I need to do after finishing this post, I don't really know what's going on with this post or where its really going, but I guess I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. It's hard to be productive when your brain tells you not to be and I'm just still trying to battle it again and it's really getting on my nerves.

I don't really know what this post was. It doesn't really make sense, abit of a jumble if I'm honest and well that's okay sometimes I guess. Just reflects my mood today. Sorry for the weird post. *shrugs*

Thanks for reading as always,